1. May cause hair growth on the inside of your scalp
2. One or more of your limbs may detach with no prior warning
3. Lungs or other internal organs may flip out of the chest cavity at random times
4. Stop taking this product immediately if you have the urge to sing the "Barney Song"
5. May attract venomous and poisonous animals
6. Nasal cavity may erupt into flames
7. Eyes may begin to swell
8. May mutate fingers and toes.
9. If a buttock becomes enlarged, please contact your physician immediately.
10. When thighs become covered in baseball-sized warts, do not worry.  This is normal.
11. Getting the urge to call everyone "Bippy" may start after a week of use.
12. May grow webbing between fingers and toes and have an uncontrollable urge to jump in a lake.
13. Hair may fall out and begin to grow in dark places.
14. Your thighs may be extremely itchy in awkward situations.
15. May cause your penis to grow in a "pretzel" shape.
16. Your offspring will look like the X-Men.
17. Your earlobes may become elongated and drag along the floor.
18. A large hole may develop in the lower region of your mouth, sometimes leading to drooling.
19. May cause deadly laser beams to shoot out from various orifices.
20. Could make your hair & nails become luminescent.
21. If you experience nipples growing anywhere but their normal location, simply reduce the dosage.
22. If mushrooms grow rapidly from anything leather that you touch, please contact your local botanist and/or fungi expert.
23. If instead of a "tingling" sensation, the Denorex starts to melt your skull, use only one a week.
24. You may have an uncontrollable urge to unzip your pants in front of large women.
25. If anything within 10 feet of you bursts into flames, this is normal if the dosage is correct.  Simple stay 20 feet away from anything to be safe.
26. Muscles may obtain personalities.
27. May cause allergic reactions to breathing.
28. Skin may possibly crawl off and begin to dance.
29. Do not worry when all of your hairs become magnetized.
30. Your small intestine could unwind and push out of your body.  Do not worry. This is normal.
31. May cause you to become fluent in Bulgarian.
32. May attract cute, fuzzy woodland creatures, with big, nasty, sharp teeth.
33. You may feel an urge to beat yourself into a liquidy pulp.  Do not resist the urge or the medication will loose its effectiveness.
34. May cause you to compulsively eat carrots like a bunny rabbit.
35. May cause you to wear hedgehogs as a hat.
36. Facial hair may grow in places other than your face.
37. Drop kicking the nearest kicking thing around you may happen weekly.
38. May cause your body to bruise easily or at random times, especially on the forearms.