Story and Illustrations by: Mahlon Smith

Germ the cat was last seen about 4 months ago. Last known act: Barfing. I think I pissed him off. The cat was not mentally stable, a fact known by anyone and everyone who had the pleasure of coming into contact with it. The events that transpired on the night of his disappearance were uneventful until I decided to drive. Trevor and I were having a lovely evening together - wine, cheese, romantic lighting.... errr... umm. Anyway. I looked over at Trevor rather seductivly, finishing my glass of wine. Trevor popped another slice of swiss into his mouth and thoughtfully rolled his eyes, reaching for the wine bottle to refill my glass. He turned the bottle over... nothing. Not even a drop. We looked in horror at each other. "MY GOD, WE'RE OUT OF WINE!" I screamed. Trevor sat up quickly, spilling bits of cheese on his smoking jacket. His head began making quick, jerking motions. "MAHLON! DO SOMETHING! QUICK!" I grabbed my car keys and was out the door. This was an emergency. I prayed that there would be no traffic and NO obstacles in my quest as I got into my car. As I fumbled with the keys, I heard a noise on the hood. I looked up, and a disgusting mixture of dirt and hair blinked back at me. It was Germ. "Augh! Get outta here!" I got out and picked him up. He instantly began to shed and purr. Gross. I placed him about 10 feet from my car. "Go somewhere and repulse someone else." I said. "MMMMEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIWW" Germ replied, licking himself as if he knew how to bathe.